A long time

I really do need to update. I have been going through so much stuff since...wow...February. Nuts. Graduated college. Got a job. Love the job. Major life changes. But really I just need an outlet. Blogging worked so well in highschool because I was so much more of a loner then. In fact the internet and my anonymous friends were a preferred outlet. So much less judging, though I have no issue with that now. It seems that the select few people I have to confide in are not enough. Well, perhaps they are enough but I am craving a change in that. I haven't had the urge (or time for that matter) to go back and read my past blogs. I have read them enough, they are old stories. Stories full of spelling an grammatical atrocities. I need new stories. I can get most of those stories from other people who know me, but as always my point of view is the best. Frankly I have no real accounts of my life since highschool. Facebook manages to give me some pictures, but easily saved and archived material like blogs and e-mails have given way to unlimited texting and twitter. Very quick blurbs that are much easier to digest in the now, but very unsatisfying when consumed some time after their inception. Even this post I am writing now, very substance free as of yet, will be more rewarding to read in 6 months then a collaboration of all my trending topics.

I feel I must mention to some extent the power of trends and the emergency of longevity. I am sick of facebook, I never update myspace, and I don't have to strain very hard to see the death of twitter and even the still not quite born google wave. But my blog...one of my very first in fact, has now been resurrected. The major difference being that I write it for myself. I love reading my old blogs. Love it. And I suppose I will love reading this one as well. Generally I like to spill some juicy stuff, but as time has progressed I have blurred (and possibly eliminated) the line between my online and offline friends. The blog has always been about me, but if I have readers I prefer them to not be people I know. Or rather not be people that would bring the contents up in person. Leaving a comment is fine, but the image I paint of myself through my words is through my own lens. This forces anyone on the outside of my life to see myself how I see myself. Or at least see the facts as I see them. When someone who knows more about my background, habits, or lifestyle then what I type comments or muses on my blog I frankly don't like it. Surely I tell them everything that is important and through careful observation they pick up the rest. What they don't see (and what I don't want them to see) is how I view myself. Maybe that is all much more evident than I would like to imagine, but I really haven't gotten the sense that that is the case. So the blog is my outlet. It lets me see who I was if maybe I had forgotten, and it lets those who don't know me read possibly interesting stories of vanity for entertainment. Everyone else...well...hopefully you aren't reading.

Writing this was fun. Hopefully it becomes regular again for awhile. May I write till I have nothing left to say.

Ressurection

So I might post here or I might keep posting on myspace/livejournal. Probably not live journal, but maybe myspace. I guess it all depends on how I feel that day. Really I am just posting this so that my account doesn't disappear again do to a long hiatus.

Alright so after all of that my other site is finnally back up.

Beautiful Daydream

Burger King

Today was pretty awesome. Me and some awesome people went to burger king. I still have my paper crown. I may or may not wear it to school on monday. I haven't decided yet. I suppose it depends (like most everything else I do) what mood I am in at the time. Right now I feel really tired, but not sleepy. Maybe you know what I mean. I think today was important. And by important, I mean important (significant?) things happened. What was really important, is that I let my mind be free. I used to feel constricted, but I let things work themselves out, for the better. I suppose I really could have done that a long time ago, but I needed a day like today for that to work.

We went skating. Me, Andy and Don. My ankle still hurts from the vicious wipeout I took on our last eight wheeled venture. As a result I had to change my skating style somewhat drasticlly in order to prevent excrutiating pain. I was victorious for nearly three whole hours. I rock. But you all knew that. In other news I still have no clue what is going on with my other site. It makes me sad that it is gone. In a way I think that is a good thing. At the very least I needed a layout change. I suppose any blog owner would understand what I mean. It seems that everytime you change your layout you get a new boost of energy when it comes to creating actuall content. I suppose this current fling will die off after a while, but that is ok. I will just change my layout. On the flip side it actually works to bring in more readers. If the content is meh, or you don't feel that interested in it you won't read it. Unless there is a new layout. Then we eat that up like starving children.

Which brings me to my next point. I am not gay. I feel the neccesity to reiterate this seeing as in the past few off-campus excursions those around me have inquired as to my "course" in life. Honestly I can see there concern. I hope they are just jealous of my level of comfort and not actually scared for my sexual well being.

I want to die my hair black. Like permenant die. I am not sure how big that will go over with the parents, or how expensive that might end up being. Maybe some red streaks. I have let my hair grow out in hopes of doing something interesting with it during St. Pats weekend. Then I will cut it after if I fail to fall in love with whatever I choose.

Sad Day

So I totally don't know what is up with my Photoblog at beautifuldaydream.net right now so as an outlet for what I want to write, I will do it here. Because all of my stuff got moved to a new server my layout was pretty much non-existant, so I went ahead and loaded a pre-made one. I am sure I will get something up and working in the future if this becomes my main means of posting. I am not sure how I will host all of my photos like I did before. Hopefully my server will come back. I was thinking about re-doing beautifuldaydream anyway to be more of a format like this site currently has with more text based posts. I would still try to feature a photo every once in a while, but I like writing. I wrote some poetry last night. I didn't finish it. It was more of a free write at the time. I have only showed one person, but it was decent so I will post it here. (We are also about to find out if blogger supports html)

City lights dot my peripheray
The stars stolen from the sky
Each individual light a hidden promise
That the world is not all darkness.

A tear for my loss and lonliness
The absence oflight, withering life
like a candle smothered
a heart betrayed.

The horizon is painted with a orange burn
momvement of trees not registered under the starless sky
Machine ruins what I want
A pure will tainted.

My broken promise sits in a trophy case
an omen to the untainted
a reasurrance to the rest
efforts gone unnoticed.

Desire flows through viens
stopped by logic at the heart
Evolution lacking and misguided
has created this world.

As I yearn for better times
I keep my tears in jars
to use when all has withered
for the innocent youth.

Again, not sure what I was going for really. The theme was me looking out my window as I sat alone contemplating my own thoughts. Good times. It is what I am doing now. Cept I am thinking out loud in a different sort of way. I kindof realized something really important today. Well not so much realized as reafirmed. As cynical as I am, I still am amazed at the effect friends can have over you. I talked to two of my favorite people in the world today, and wish I could keep talking to them forever, because when you talk to certain people, it is as if nothing else matters, and time stops. Then for a split second you can hide the hate and pain of the world and become wrapped up in something that is good for a change.